The Dilemma

Ken and I moved in together in September 2012.  We had both started new jobs in Portland and, even though it was pretty early on in our relationship, we knew that we would want to spend time together when not traveling for work.  His kids were living in Wisconsin so it was just the two of us, plus the two pups and three cats.

Peapod getting to know Zen

The factor that I hadn’t considered on any real basis was his kids living in Portland with us.  Yes, I had told him that the kids were always welcome in our home, but I had imagined vacations—a stretch of a few weeks at the most.  What I didn’t imagine was that they would be moving in a month later.

At first my brain dealt with it logistically—where do they sleep, keep clothes, etc, etc.?  Rapid flurry of room rearranging and purchases.  Then the arrival:  we met each other for the first time standing in our living room at midnight—they had just driven down from Sea-Tac after flying with their dad across the country.  Epiczord didn’t sleep for 48 hours.  It was quite an induction for both sides.

Then we dealt with all the layers of transition:  new rules, their mom moving into town, sharing time, kids switching back and forth between homes, Ken and I figuring out our own relationship, figuring out our parenting style…it was a huge hill to climb and we had to do it FAST.  

But we got through the rough stuff and now we know the routine.  When the kids are here, we have a blast, we go through challenges, we work them out, we are a family.  Then we hand them off to their mom.  

Which leads me to tonight.  We had a no-kid weekend—which means that we could work on the yard for a stretch, organize the garage, do some work on the computer, lie around and watch movies, go out with friends.  All this in two days.  It feels like heaven.  Like a special privilege.  I love the crew, but I also love the honeymoon days with just the two of us. 

Here’s the thing, last year I decided (after going back and forth on the subject for most of my 30s) that I wanted kids.  And I still do.  But I think about Ken and I never having a weekend to ourselves and it makes me kind of sad.  Is it worth the compromise?  Should I find satisfaction in his three alone and value the coupledom days more than a child of my own?  Or will I regret missing out on a truly amazing experience...being a MOM?  

That’s going to rattle around in my brain for a while.  Maybe it will help to investigate what folks out there on internet-land say about it.  In the meantime—here’s a couple of the crew…

The Princess basking...with chipmunk

How cool can you get?